First, we make the beast beautiful – Sarah Wilson

First, we make the beast beautiful – Sarah Wilson

This is a much needed book during my struggle with anxiety and depression, this book helps me to see anxiety from a different perspective. The author, Sarah Wilson, reframes anxiety as a spiritual quest rather than a burdensome affliction, a state of yearning that will lead us closer to what really matters.

Quoting the book:

Globally 1 in 13 people suffer an anxiety-related illness and searches for anxiety on google are up to 150% in the past 8 years

Yet our society still have a lot of stigma around mental illness. I have been surprised by the number of people that came up to me and said they have similar condition since I started being open about having mental illness. Thanks to them, I don’t feel alone now. The heartbreaking fact is still there, all of the people that told their stories to me said that it’s hard to find a support system – which they desperately need more than anything – because a lot of people just don’t understand the depth of it. For many of us in Indonesia, having mental illness means you’re crazy and you belong at the lunatic asylum, or even worse you’ve got possessed by devil and you need exorcism. Which obviously a wrong concept that mainly came from the lack of information in the society, someone got homework to do!

In this book, Sarah talked about how she deals with her anxiety for years. Some tips sound cliche although still easier said than done, like yoga, meditation, gratitude book (which I find really helpful, help me focus on the positive sides of everything), exercise, eating healthier. But the main thing that she promotes in this book is to embrace the illness, to recognise that it’s there, accept it and have a conversation with it.

Anxiety is the thing that takes you down, this anxiety about not knowing what life is about takes you down. But it’s also the thing that ultimately takes you to where the answer lies.

This book would be very helpful for those who are suffering with mental illness or are supporting someone with mental illness.

Small note I wrote when I was suicidal

Small note I wrote when I was suicidal

If I die tomorrow, let people know that I was suffering

I used to act so strong

But I was terrified

I didn’t have my life in order

I ruined every relationship

I pushed away people that care about me

And I was terrified

Of the past

Of the present

Of the future

I know everyone has their own battle

And who am I to ask for special treatment

But I want people to know that it’s not easy to live with anxiety


Why I quit my job and you should too!

Why I quit my job and you should too!

As you probably already know, I just recently quit my job. Not because the people or the job, but simply because I think that its not my passion and if I ever plan to do something I’m passionate about for the rest of my life I’d rather start now while I’m still considered as young. 😀

I’m going to a new journey to prove that “dream job” does exist. I believe some people already found one. While some others think it’s just a myth and stuck with a job they don’t actually like, wake up in the morning feeling sick just imagining how they have to live the day at the same boring place with the same people they secretly hate. Hey, I know this sounds cliche, but you have full control of your own life! If you don’t like where you are now, move! You’re not a tree.

I know it’s easier said than done, but we gotta start somewhere. What if I don’t get a better job?, you might ask. Well look for another one, there are plenty of them online (JobsDB, Jobstreet, to name a few). And what if I don’t find the one that fit me for a long time? Then start your own thing. I know its hard to leave your comfort zone, but can you even call it a comfort zone if you don’t feel comfortable there?

Courage is a tricky thing tho, I totally understand that. Sometimes, surprisingly, it comes from very unfortunate things that happen in your life. For me, its mental health issues. I experienced some rough personal problems that got me utterly depressed and suicidal, and I thought to myself, “Hey, I’ve lost everything, I even almost lost my own life, what else could I lose? How could it be any worse than this?”. So I quit my job, plan a 2 month break just to focus on my treatment while doing only things that I love (read, write, code), and travel more. The first day I was being unemployed was the first time I woke up with a big smile on my face after a looooooong time. And that felt uh-maaaaazing!!! 😀

Seriously tho, if you’ve been suicidal before, you’ll understand this. That nothing, NOTHING, matters more in this life than your own happiness. When you’re that close to death, you’ll get a full picture of the things that you always wanna do in life, the things that you regret, the things that you wished you’ve done but you never had courage to do so, that guy from the office you want to ask out but never did, how you should visit your parents more, how you should be a better friend and respond to texts sooner. You got full picture of your life in front of you, just like a movie. As you are recovering you know that maybe someday you’ll be suicidal again and you might not get another chance to ask that guy out, so you actually do it. And thats what happen to me, I embrace every opportunities that come my way, leave toxic people behind, live boldly, cause we might not have much time left in this world anyway. Live your life as if it is your last day. 🙂